A Letter to my daughter.

Dear Millie,
Over the last few years your life at school has been far from happy.
Slowly, the happy girl I knew faded away and we were left with a shadow.
Sometimes I would see glimpses of the real you but you would return to school and the clouds would gather again.
I am so sorry I didn’t act sooner.
I am so sorry I couldn’t protect you..
I am so sorry I underestimated how bad you felt.
I love you.
From your Mam.

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Posted on October 10, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 60 Comments.

  1. Oh gosh, you poor loves. Been following your blog for a while now, really brightens my day. Really sad to read this though. Bless Millie for being so brave. Hope she is happier now and school have helped you both through this. Lots of hugs from Cardiff X

  2. that’s sooo sweet of you. I really hope that it gets better for your daughter!
    When school ends, the mean ones already had time in the spotlight (they made sure of that…), but for the quiet ones, life’s just starting then. But I really really wish that your girl does not have to wait that long to feel good about herself again!

  3. Oh my heart’s just breaking for both of you :(

    Don’t ever doubt you’re a wonderful Mum! x

  4. Dear Millie,

    Know that you are not alone. Know that nothing stays the same forever. Know that some of the most interesting people were not popular in school.

    Lastly, know that your Mom loves you and her readers far and wide are rooting for you.

    From a concerned reader of Doodlemum.

    Sent from my iPad

  5. Bullying is the worst. fighting it with my son from reception :( Move heaven and earth with me mum :)

  6. As a regular reader that never comments, I has to comment here. I hope a happy and harmonious school life is returned to Millie.

  7. Your letter to your daughter brought a tear to my eye. I hope you resolve the problems swiftly. I’m sure she feels better knowing that you are there and you understand and you will help her through this.
    Sending you best wishes. Love your pictures. They make me smile every evening (apart from tonight!) Good luck.
    xx

  8. Oh I’m so sad to hear, poor Millie and you all. Your daily emails are the first thing I read every morning and they always make me smile. I very much hope that things are moving in the right direction now. Go easy on yourself. Caroline x

  9. inês, lisboa, portugal

    Now you acted and your little girl will overcome that. Kids have the ability to heal and go on, stronger than before.
    Being a mom is a very difficult thing to do, tell Milllie you need her to teach you how to understand what´s going on inside her, when you sometimes are too busy to notice every detail. Tell her daily how much you love her and that will certainly make a difference in her heart :)

  10. Shannon @myspaciousplace

    praying for you daughter and for wisdom for you and your husband!

  11. awww poor Millie – hope things get better soon *hugs*

  12. I’ve been regularly reading and enjoying your blog for some time but never yet commented. Tonight though you took me back quite a few years to the time I went through this with my son, he’s all grown up now and got married a year ago but I remember the pain of it. I just wanted to say that eventually it passes and the love that is evident in your pictures will help you all to deal with it. You are a lovely and loving mum. You’ll all be in my prayers.

  13. Oh poor Millie. My heart shrank when I read your post tonight. My thoughts and best wishes are with her that you can get things resolved soon and that she can love her remaining school years. My daughter was bullied in year 5 and whilst the school failed to act it was her brilliant after school club that helped her in the end. Worse still it was her one time best friend that instigated the bullying. When things were sorted her “friend” wanted to carry on as before but Hannah said that whilst she could be a friend she’d never be her best friend ever again. Best wishes to you all

  14. So sorry to hear about your troubles. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. And yes, Millie, It may not sound too promising now, but things do change. And they will get better. And you are going to be a wonderful, amazing woman soon. And these little bumps in the road, that seem like mountains of forever, will be long forgotten.

    I hope school gets better for you soon. I hope you can still find something good in each day, and in each person. Stand tall Dear heart! There are so many people thinking well of you!

  15. I went through exactly what Millie’s going through. I had a mum and a dad and a brother and sister but my misery isolated me. Just me and the dread of my next day of school 24 hours a day like being stranded with it on a desert island. From what I read in your letter, it sounds as if Millie’s been on that same island for a while now. She really, really needs to talk about it with someone she feels is understanding the effect it’s having on her and someone who will be able to help guide you both through the motions of getting the school to resolve the problem at their end. Perhaps a children’s counselor trained in this area. I sincerely wish you both all the best and hope Millie’s happy and smiling again soon.

  16. Oh Lord, better now than too late, bless you!!

  17. I’m coming into this blog a bit late, so I don’t know the history, but I am so sorry to read this. A friend of mine just wrote a very comprehensive book about bullying (we’re in the US) after her daughter was bullied at my son’s school. My son had been bullied as well, but the good news is that we finally got the school administration to listen, and things changed once the adults started doing something about it (My friend’s daughter is the Star Wars girl, in case you heard that story.)

    I hope you and Millie get the help you need, and I’d be happy to put you in touch with my friend if you like. She really does have some great ideas and resources. Most important – you aren’t helpless, and neither is Millie, even though you both may feel that way right now. Know that if you keep at it, you’ll eventually find the right thing to do and things will get better.

  18. The only thing more heartbreaking than witnessing unkindness toward our children, is remorse for what we may have done differently. Your words of apology and love will create a new experience for you and your daughter. I share a similar journey with my son. Wishing you both strength and peace.

  19. Poor sweet girl! This must have been today’s themes for moms. One of the other blogs I follow, posted on a similar topic at http://keepingitrealmom.com/2012/10/10/strong-girl-voice/. You just want to save your kids from even a moment of meanness! UGH!

  20. I can relate so much to this. Thank you for sharing.

  21. We have similar going on here this week on the other side of the ocean. 8 year old mean girls can be utterly vicious. Somehow I managed to hold the ferocious mama bear inside and not storm into school and rip the little witches’ heads off and we are just trying to teach our daughter stand tall, proud and her ground, to know we will ALWAYS have her back and to keep talking about any problems so we help find solutions.
    Stay strong mama! Your love and hugs will help conquer all.

  22. Oh, the poor darling. And poor dear Mum. Sometimes even the kindest and most loving of mothers (meaning all of us) miss things that need attending to. We want the best and hope for the best. We want it so badly, we can be slow to realize it’s time to put the hope aside. But the mark of a good mother is one who does act once she realizes action is needed. In the end, that’s what matters most, in the situation and to our children. Love to you both.

  23. I do hope life will start to be joyful again for Millie (and you, too).

  24. Also a regular reader here and an infrequent commenter. Your note is the sort that distinguishes you as a truly exceptional mother. Millie is a lucky girl to have you.

  25. Ooh you make me cry. It’s so recognizable.

  26. We’ve all been there, Doodle. Kids don’t always tell us the whole story. ‘Strength and honour’ to you and Millie.
    M
    xx

  27. Dear Millie, Dear doodlemum. Sometimes life sucks for everyone. Finding your way to stay safe isn’t always straigthforward. I wish you both the best for one another.

  28. “Know that you are not alone. Know that nothing stays the same forever. Know that some of the most interesting people were not popular in school.”

    I second that… special children often have a tough time of it… but it only serves to make them more special…

    A big hug to you and Millie… these clouds will pass. xxxxxxx

  29. Poor Millie and poor you I have three daughters, now grown up, but went through the same thing with my middle daughter. Trouble is family life is so hectic and it’s hard to see what is under your nose, but least you have picked it up now like me took a while. We sorted things out I had to get involved and glad I did cos kids always say no don’t get involved but sometimes you have to. I know this time for you is really horrid worst feeling in the world seeing your kids unhappy, but it will get better good luck xx

  30. Doodlemum your pictures speak a thousand words to us fellow Mams who live for our families. This is one we all dread but tragically some of us have to face.
    It’s heartbreaking that kids can be so cruel.
    Be strong Millie, Mam will make it better :)

  31. I hope you and she finds the real Millie again. I watched you on breakfast television about 4 months ago and she seemed a bright, articulate, happy person, please find her quickly Millie.

  32. It’s so easy to miss it. My parents didn’t know it was happening to me. I’m glad you have found out now, though, and I hope the school is dealing with it appropriately.

    Tell Milly that she will always be lovely and those who bully will always be unhappy.

  33. Dear Millie,

    I’ve been following your lovely Mam’s doodle sketches for a few months and it is the first thing I read on my computer every morning before I start work. Your mam is a very funny and talented lady but above all else her love for you all as her family shines through in every single detail that she sketches and draws. Every morning’s doodle brings a big smile to my face except for this morning when I read her letter to you and saw her doodle. It was a stark reminder to me that despite all the fun and comedy that your Mam generously shares with us, you are a real family and this means at times there are also moments of sadness, hurt and disappointment.

    Millie, the bully(s) at school are the ones with the problem, not you. Bullies, whether they be girls or boys, behave like they do because they are unhappy and insecure about themselves as well as being jealous of other people. The problem is they don’t know how to behave properly so they take out their frustrations and negative feelings on other people. Even though I have never met you, I bet you are a lovely, sweet, caring and gentle wee girl – funny, friendly, helpful and hugely talented, just like your mum. I hope the bullies realise how hurtful they have been and have stopped their bad behaviour towards you and I hope you are able to go to school and enjoy learning again.

    Give your mam and all your family a big cuddle and let them know you love them too :-)

  34. Oh that has brought a tear to my eye. Every mam’s worse nightmare. Stay strong and safe and know your mam loves you, Millie x

  35. Ohhh, this broke my heart.

  36. Oh, poor Millie. Hope everything is sorted. T xxx

  37. Going through the same thing here at the moment with my eldest daughter – Just found out extent of unpleasantness at school and how badly it has effected our happy little girl (She was trying to be brave and not make a fuss so as not to bother her mummy who was BUSY! Oh the guilt!)
    Fuss is Happening Now! Tiger Mother on the loose! (probably made more determined by feelings of having failed her daughter).

    Hope your situation gets sorted out soon with a happy ending. Lots of Love. The Lowden Pooles

  38. Oh my….takes me back to my own childhood and how i felt at the hands if bullies. This post made me cry. The words and picture together are very moving and I’m sure they will give comfort to your daughter, shame the mother of the bully cant see it x

  39. Don’t dwell on what’s happened, move on to the next stage, it’ll all be good, row x

  40. graciousanddangerous

    I hope she’s feeling better now.

  41. Bulling is every mums worst nightmare and I so hope I never have to go through this with my little boy. Millie you must always remember that it is never your fault and you always must tell people what is happening. I have never commented on your drawings before Doodlemum but too have become a big follower of your family. You all will get through this and the most important thing is to keep talking, lots of cuddles and kisses. Sending Millie a big hug and sweetheart I so hope you find the happy Millie again xx

  42. Please please don’t be too hard on yourself
    as mothers we always try our best and sometimes we don’t get it quite right but it was our best.
    Love to you and Millie this will make you both stronger.
    I always share your posts with the whole family all 9 of us and tonight was no different as a family you share joy and sorrow and together you muddle through x

  43. So sorry, Doodlemum and Millie. I had the same with Jenny, my daughter when she started a new school. It was horrid while it was happening, but it did become resolved and she found some true and lasting friends in time.

  44. Aw, hugs for all of you. Hindsight has astonishing clarity but don’t blame yourself. Keep strong for all of you. :)

  45. Dear Millie

    Bullies are always around the corner, but it’s not you that is different, it’s them. My daughter had bullying for two years. (by a policemans daughter). The school did help in the end but we had to go through many days of being unhappy. You have a wonderful family who are there for you, and a lot of support from Doodlemum.com
    .
    In the end my daughter turned the situation around by becoming a bully buddy at her school She wanted to help children over the two years she did it to know there is always someone around to listen and help. Only she knew what it felt like.

    Keep strong and hold your head up high.

    A proud Mum who has come out the other side of bullying.

  46. As a follower of your blog I have not commented much on your posts, but I always enjoy reading each and every one of them through email. Of course, this one brought such sadness and I hope now that everything will turn out better for both you and your daughter. I hope the school will sort something sooner rather than later.

    Millie is a wonderful girl, just keep telling her that. And although this has been a bad experience for her, I hope she becomes a stronger person knowing that her mum and whole family is also there for when she needs it most.

  47. Newish reader, first time commenter… I was bullied from kindergarten through two years of first grade and second grade, when I moved to another school in the district, then in seventh grade by those same idiots from my past. I ended up dropping out of seventh grade (yes, at 13), and spent years healing; as a 36yo woman with daughters of my own, I still bear scars. Millie, I hope your situation is resolved, never to be repeated, and that you may heal completely. I know you will never forget, and I wish I could make that better, but I hope you will carry the memory of what was done to you forward, and use it for future compassion to others. Bullying can be hard to see and even more difficult to counter; do not blame yourself! ~love from the other side of the pond.

  48. Ahh, Dear Millie. It’s so hard to be brave and pretend that unkindness doesn’t hurt, isn’t it? I know your mam and da will help you with this sadness and I would like to as well, if I were nearby. I believe in you, Millie, and wish you a lot of happiness in your life.

  49. Pauline Richards

    I’m not sure if you will receive this but every day when I read your e mail it gives me such a lift – but today’s has been so different. I really feel for you as I went through a similar situation with my daughter many years ago now – thinking of you and hope that you manage to resolve the issues for you, your daughter and of course the whole family as it affects you all. kind regards Pauline

  50. Hope all turns out well for Millie – sad to hear she has had troubles at school. really enjoying your posts I receive by email. Your drawings are so lovely.

  51. I hope the school listens…really listens…and acts in the best interests of your daughter. Good luck – from another first time commenter who was moved. X

  52. This post made me stop. It brought back memories of how miserable I was in school. So badly bullied and my mom was oblivious or just plain didn’t care. Your little girl is so lucky. My little girl will not suffer the same fate. Thanks for this post.

  53. I’ve come here from Tilly’s post above. What you’ve written is heart-wrenching, but also honest and loving. All the best to Millie and to you.

  54. Kristina’s comment is so true.

    Doodlemum: my mum knew and did nothing to help me against the bullies. So well done for realising and doing the right thing for her.

    Millie: wishing you the very best.

  1. Pingback: On Bullying « The Laughing Housewife

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