Dear Catastrophe Wife,

I am writing to commend you on your outstanding behaviour today with regards to the mishap regarding our dog.

Yes our beach outing lasting approximately ten minutes before your stone lob fractured our dog’s front tooth but it was the hysterical crying all the way home whilst erratically driving the car that will stand out for me in particular.

I understand that the two hundred pounds it will cost and the legthy operation to our dog has upset you but if I may be so bold, please stay away from any future stone throwing so as to avoid any future damage and hysteria to your fragile, emotional state.

I will plan any future days out with care and advice from the health and safety executive.

I would also advise you to fill in a risk assessment for any future outings so as to protect the public and yourself.

Signed, your husband.