A cup of tea.

I learnt of the suicide of a beautiful mum I knew, (as an online friend) today. She left three young children behind in the world.
Life was too much.
It’s hit me hard as I’ve felt those dark thoughts too, I know a lot of mums do.
I’ve been drinking a lot of tea today and wallowing in past memories.
How do you pull yourself back from such a dark tunnel?
Small, heavy steps at first, find something to hold on to, anything.
I started this blog to pull myself out of depression, something to do as they say, something to focus on.
It feels like a bloody big mountain to climb when you’re at the bottom.

Sleep tight beautiful sister. Rest in peace.

http://www.samaritans.org/
tea for two

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Posted on September 13, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 29 Comments.

  1. So sorry to hear this….for me, it always helps to read/write. Seeing your daily drawings (capturing those small, beautiful moments in life) always make me feel better. Take care!

  2. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry for your friends family. I’m sorry that anyone feels that taking their life is their only option, when it really, really isn’t. Life and the world is so much more valuable with you in it, no matter how hard being in it feels.

  3. I have had a couple of years of employment problems, marital issues, and health cares, so I understand that kind of depression, that feeling that the world would go on without you; it would just close over where you had been and not even leave a hole. It’s very, very hard to get up and face the world. I am so sorry that your friend could not get past her tragedies and that her children will forever feel the loss of their mother. But, please, no one, blame her. If you haven ‘t walked in her shoes, you have no idea what kind of despair she felt.

    • So very true. When I had P.N.D., I was convinced that I would be making the world a better place if I committed suicide, but somehow, through amazing counselling and an even more amazing GP, I got through it and have since seen the terrible wreckage left behind, forever, for children of a parental suicide. I know now that however bad life gets, and believe me, it has been bad, I would never do this. Whatever your life is like now, I hope you know that by writing this, there are people you have never met, who are willing you to carry on, and wishing you and all other depressed people, happier times ahead .

    • I couldn’t agree with you more Laura.

      • Very true. Hard to admit but I’m currently having this battle. The dark abyss that is depression is terrifying and the thoughts that cried my head scare me. It’s like having nightmares during the day. My husband doesn’t understand, but the emotional stresses, marital issues and severe financial issues we gave are crippling me.
        I love my children, they are my guiding light, the star that’s shines and keeps me going, step by step.
        I hope to get well.

        Rest in peace to her xx

      • Talking about these darkest fears always makes them less threatening. You keep on fighting lovely!

      • Caroline,

        We sound like we are suffering through very similar situations as present. I don’t have children so my job is the only thing keeping me going through biopsy, knee surgery, husband’s unemployment, marital stress. If I didn’t have friends at work I don’t know how I would survive. I hope that you have good friends to help you, because during this kind of period, you need them. You can always email me because, God knows, I understand.

  4. I feel for ya kid…………… I look forward to your illustrations everyday……… I share some of them with my granddaughter and sometimes I make up stories to go with them…….your talent brings great joy into my world…….. bless you and your friend……
    Terry

  5. How sad, so very sad… Sorry to hear about this and I hope you’re doing okay. I’ll keep her young family in my thoughts…

  6. How awful. Depression is such a terrible illness and so difficult for others to understand. Xxx

  7. I’m no good at the kind of platitudes that get trotted out at times of bereavement, but I’d just like to say that I recognize what you describe and I’m certain I’m not the only on-line friend who’s got your back.

  8. This weekend I will be planting a memorial for my cousin Tim, who took his own life lsst week. I will add your friend to my thoughts as I plant in his memory. You will also be in my prayers, along with the families they left behind.

  9. So very sad. I feel for her family.

  10. A dreadful tangle. Your friend must have been desperate indeed to have left her family. Yes, I think most mums, me included, have been there at one time or another, but something saved us.

  11. My partners daughter is quite low at present & although ( hopefully) this would be the last thing in her mind, one never knows what a person is thinking in the lonely hours of the night. All we can do I think is show our love & support in as many ways as we can,show her that she is needed & loved beyond everything else. My cousin thought otherwise & died several years ago & his parents & children never recovered. Depression is an awful illness,well hidden in a lot of cases. My thoughts & prayers are with your friends family but also with all those other families going through tough times with depression. xxx

  12. Very sad to hear. My thoughts are with you and with her family. Suicide is always such a tragedy. X

  13. just so incredibly sad to read this and prayers are with her family for love and support at this dreadful time for them mxxx

  14. You will get to that mountain peak! suicide is a subject that I’ve had personal dealings with, that was 16 years ago & while I’ve slipped from my peak at times, I am determined not to descend that hill again! With determination & a positive outlook, go for it, be the silver lining on this cloud! In my thoughts & loving your doodles xxx

  15. Like any mountain, you start at the bottom with tiny steps and it looks impossible. But those around you distract you and offer a hand or shoulder, and suddenly the top looks a little closer. And many cups of tea, and tears of sadness and laughter shared with others later, you’re closer still. And you can see the others climbing your mountain too. Some help you, some you help. You’re not alone. And then, one day you reach your top. It may not be the summit, but you’re happy with the view and you plant your flag.

  16. So sad. My heart goes out to her and her family. 😦

  17. How terribly sad for her and all those of you that her life and light touched. Thinking of you.

  18. 😦 it is particularly difficult for those left behind and particularly if they suffer from the same. I encourage you to put your hand up to your local GP. There is help for anyone who feels this way.

  19. I am so sorry for your loss.

    I understand the darkness, I’ve been there, am still there on many days. It’s hard, each and everyday, to stay the course, soldier on as mom, even as we’re drowning in our own despair. I’ve started a new blog on Managing Depression. Please come by for a visit, and maybe keep in touch.

    http://sandiyee.wordpress.com/

    You have a great gift in your art. Keep going, you are much needed. 🙂

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