Swansea is glowing. NASA have confirmed we are shining out to the universe a message of neon and tinsel through the endless, cold rain and wind. Even through the grey, permanent cloud that envelopes the city in a wet hug, we are shining. I haven’t tripped over in the dark all week, it’s lovely and bright.

Every plug socket, overloaded with nine cable extensions, of course it’s safe, they’re LED’s, plug it in Mam, light it up.

We are so bright, we are shining, come on then Santa we haven’t got all month you know, can’t you see we’ve been ever so good?

Now pass me a mince pie, no it is my first one, honest.