Brought Arnie’s ashes home today. We’re going to buy a plant and put him in the garden where he liked to sit in the sun and watch the sparrows chirp.
Spring is coming.
I learnt of the suicide of a beautiful mum I knew, (as an online friend) today. She left three young children behind in the world.
Life was too much.
It’s hit me hard as I’ve felt those dark thoughts too, I know a lot of mums do.
I’ve been drinking a lot of tea today and wallowing in past memories.
How do you pull yourself back from such a dark tunnel?
Small, heavy steps at first, find something to hold on to, anything.
I started this blog to pull myself out of depression, something to do as they say, something to focus on.
It feels like a bloody big mountain to climb when you’re at the bottom.
Sleep tight beautiful sister. Rest in peace.
Sometimes you need to be somewhere quiet. Today I had to take myself somewhere where I could remember, cry, have the wound ripped off for a few hours and allow the memories to haunt me. I don’t know how other peope remember the day they lost a parent or a loved one but I find it’s easier to be alone for a bit(with dog).
Back to the business of Christmas tomorrow.
Every year I tell myself I’ll do a post about Christmas, about my mum and how she died a few days before Christmas.
Every year the date comes and goes and I don’t draw anything.
Because I can’t draw anything remotely near how it feels.