I’m back. Took a break while camping.
Always get nervous with a break as the last one lasted years but I’m on such a stronger footing this time. I know that but I always worry that I’ll slip and things will slide again. I suppose that is recovery, knowing you must always be aware and ready.
I suppose we all need a break but art is such an integral part of my personality. It’s something that becomes me but even so, a break from yourself is sometimes a good thing, a time to just recalibrate and even change direction.
Stagnation is my greatest fear and something that always propels me onwards. That nagging voice that brings you back again and again. Regardless of whether you’ll get paid.
So yes, here I am again. Let’s go forward and let’s look forward to more drawing and fun and I’ll put my silly hat back on now.
I’ve found solace in my sketchbook throughout my life. In my childhood a means of play and expression. In my teens, a bolt hole from reality into which I would have most readily jumped in feet first and not looked back.
I rekindled my sketchbook habit back in 2010 when I was in my familiar black hole and needed to escape.
This comfort and silence. A non judging welcoming page, the smell and touch of crisp paoer. The sound of pen gently scratching lines that fill and dance through endless space.
I draw through line, space filled with cluttered thoughts and ideas. I am a drawer.
Be brave, come dream and make marks.
A cup of tea.
I learnt of the suicide of a beautiful mum I knew, (as an online friend) today. She left three young children behind in the world.
Life was too much.
It’s hit me hard as I’ve felt those dark thoughts too, I know a lot of mums do.
I’ve been drinking a lot of tea today and wallowing in past memories.
How do you pull yourself back from such a dark tunnel?
Small, heavy steps at first, find something to hold on to, anything.
I started this blog to pull myself out of depression, something to do as they say, something to focus on.
It feels like a bloody big mountain to climb when you’re at the bottom.
Sleep tight beautiful sister. Rest in peace.